Wednesday, October 28, 2009

THE X FACTOR 2009: a round-up so far


Daniyeyil is a posh bellend with a giant mouth but is very good and I would definitely bum him.

Stacey is mostly funny but also good, and although I fear her afghan hound routine might get old very soon, she seems like a genuinely lovely girl.

John and Edward are fine by me.

Miss Frank were brilliant and it pains me that they have left.

Joe sings like a goat and surely only appeals to the elderly (there's a joke here about his surname sounding like 'elderly' but it most likely wouldn't be very funny)

Hat Boy should have never been put through to the live shows. Not selecting THE YANK HUNK (ethan somethingorother) was a huge mistake on Cheryl's part that I shan't forgive her for.

Lucie was good on Big Band week but is otherwise dull as dishwater.

Olly Murs is annoying but I would definitely bum him too (or let him bum me? not sure. he does have an enormous jaw, which bothers me a bit. I'll have a think about that).

I was a big supporter of Rachel but now think she is a bellend.

Lloyd should consider a career with east-european providers of twinkness Belami

Jamie Afro is a one-trick talentless cunt.

Robbie and Whitney were shit and definitely off their tits on drugs. Alexandra Burke is annoying and talks too much. Cheryl was brilliant. More next week!

THE EMPEROR OF PITY

God, it's easy to forget how fat he was, isn't it?
Peter Andre's new video came on The Hits (or whatever they are calling it) last night and, frankly, knives through the eyes would have been kinder. Shimmy on over to your cutlery drawer 'cause here it is:



Whilst I haven't the slightest issue with someone making a career of being a greedy slut whoring out her disabled child, I take genuine offense to the blubbering, doe-eyed FESTIVAL OF PITY that this man has farted all over us of late.

"Everything I can't tell you about why I left Kate.", "Hate Kate, Buy My Album.", "Look At My Kids, Now Look At Her Tranny (Probably Paedophile) Boyfriend, Now Look At My Tears, Now Buy My Shit Album."

I understand that self-respect is not a factor to consider in this specific scenario, but have some fucking self-respect.

BREAKING NEWS: Keisha's Out

First, a picture.

Such elegance!

I don't see what the big fuss was all about, she always had a major case of bitch face.

And it's no coincidence this all happened at the same time that Amelle got to number 1 with a solo project. She basically couldn't bare the attention being on someone else for a second, tried to get rid of (thin, tall) Amelle and it backfired in her big bitch face.

I say good riddance, a warm welcome to Jade and on with the show. It's not like the Sugababes had retained any credibility since the departure of poor Siobhan anyway.

Heidi better step-up her Slim-Fast game though, 'cause she's definitely the fat one now :(

RIHANNA'S ALBUM COVER


OH GOD is she hiding another black eye? (n.b. domestic abuse is not funny).

I can't wait to play her new single at the weekend, when I'm straightening my hair and getting ready to go out with my girls! What? Oh, i see. No that's fine i'll just dust off Confessions On A Dancefloor.

ADAM LAMBERT'S ALBUM COVER


You make up your own mind, I'm too hungover for this.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

TRANNY CLOWN DROPS A STEAMER

Christina Aguilera (checking for lumps below) has a new song for you, hav' a listen...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

THE X FACTOR BOYS HAVE HUGE TITS

Like, huuuuge. Here's Andy and Rhydian naked, showing off their big man tits.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Friday, November 09, 2007

MELANIE BROWN: momentarily genius

Is this the weirdest fucking video you have ever seen? Yes it fucking is. We love it!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

FANS OF SIOBHAN DONAGHY, FEAR NOT: a MySpace conversation


Hello Spunk Magazine

I most certainly do plan to make another record. I don't have a minute to myself with Rent, which I'm loving, but as soon as my run finishes I'm looking forward to starting writing again! Siobhan xx

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: SPUNK MAGAZINE
Date: 16 Oct 2007, 22:10


hi siobhan

sorry i'm sure this is very unoriginal... but do you have any plans of recording a new album?

'ghosts' is wonderful and we want some more!

hope Rent's going well

spunk x